About 'fifty shades of grey on'|Review: Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
The book series that is taking women by storm is a novel by E.L James called "Fifty Shades of Grey". Some call it pornographic, for it is filled with lots of sex. Most of it is non-traditional sex. The huge draw, however, for most women is the element of dominance and submission that fills the novel. Christian Grey is the dominant, successful man who takes naïve Anastasia by storm, rocking her world in a way that she had never anticipated. The book is filled with bondage, blindfolds, and spankings. Sound delicious? To the women who have made the series a bestseller on the "New York Times" bestseller list, the books are delicious indeed. To those who simply don't understand the attraction, the book seems to glamorize abuse. So what is the attraction? Why do millions of women long to be dominated sexually? Here are a few ideas that come to my mind: -Women are tired of wimpy men. What they fail to realize, however, is that these wimpy men are the direct result of the women's movement. As women have become more powerful in every aspect of their lives, men have become confused as to what their roles really are. In a sense, they have been displaced. Men are often damned if they do and damned if they don't. They must walk a fine line between power and weakness. Women want men to be sensitive, but not too sensitive. Women want men to help them out around the house as long as it is to their specifications. -Woman are tired of being in control. Women are reaping what they sown when they asked for more power, more opportunity, and more control in this world. They have gotten exactly what they were looking for. As a result, they are finding that something is missing. What is missing is that feeling that comes from being taken care of. There is something inherently sexy about being vulnerable to a man who wants nothing more than to possess you. How many times have you fantasized about being pushed up against a wall and ravished by a man? How many times have you fantasized about being controlled? No matter how much your intellectual self wants to protest against the feeling, you have to admit that there is something very sexy about a man who is strong, confident, and wants to make all of the decisions. There is something very sexy about having no control in a sexual situation. Rape fantasies are common among women. Fantasies involving bondage are also common. Bondage can come in the form of rope, wrist or ankle restraints, or by being told not to move. This type of mental bondage is very intense because it takes a lot of mental determination to not move when your limbs have the capability to do so. To hear a man whispering in your ear "Don't move. Close your eyes and just feel" is a very intense, sexual feeling that is addictive. Spanking can be very sexual. There are many nerve endingS in the buttocks that can serve to heighten sexual pleasure. Spanking can help a person truly "feel" in ways she has never felt before. So is this type of relationship abusive? That depends on one word. That word is simply "choice". If you are choosing to give up your power to a man, then you are not being abused. If, on the other hand, you are giving up your power due to coercion, threats, or fear…then you are not choosing to give up your control. The dominant is taking control. Taking control is abusive. So where does that put the rape fantasy? A question I struggle with myself. I have my own rape fantasy. It involves me walking on a beach at night all alone. At some point a man in the distance is walking toward me. He has long dark hair, and is wearing tight dark pants and a white shirt with sleeves that are billowing in the breeze. He has no face. He walks up to me and begins kissing me…and dominating me. He pushes me to the sand and has his way with me. I am not "willing" as one would think of willing. Still, there is a part of me that wanted it and needed it. Does this mean that I want to be raped? No. It simply means that I have a fantasy of being dominated. The women who read "Fifty Shades of Grey" are finding that they are hungering for the kind of relationship that the book speaks of. Some women are introducing a bit of BDSM into their marriages and finding great success. If the results are positive, then that is all that really matters. Perhaps it is time for women to come to an acceptance of their need to be dominated sexually. Consensual domination is the ultimate sexual experience. E.L. James seems to realize this. It is time for more women to open themselves to this experience and find fulfillment in a new way. |
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