About 'the latest on fifty shades of grey'|The Naughty Philosopher on Fifty Shades of Grey.
Snooki's latest book entitled "Gorilla Beach" goes on sale on May 15, and it's not a reimagining of "Planet of the Apes." Instead it's another raunchy read about life on the Jersey Shore, and of course the Princess of Poughkeepsie looked to her own x-rated experiences for inspiration. However, she's going to have a hard time competing with the popularity of E.L. James' book "Fifty Shades of Grey." Snooks has tried her best to provide readers with a sexy escape in "Gorilla Beach" -- the first chapter of the novel is entitled "Like a Slutty Virgin," and it includes a nip slip, a visit to a "sexcessories boutique," and a reference to a firefighter whose nickname is "the Hose." The release of the first chapter of her book on Hollywood Life came shortly after an episode of SNL that spoofed "Fifty Shades of Grey" by showing moms enjoying the book just a touch too much on Mother's Day. Kristin Wiig also poked fun at "Tanning Mom" Patricia Krentcil on SNL by playing her in a skit and joking about how "plenty of men in New Jersey who would love to snap into this Slim Jim." Hopefully Snooks was watching, because that episode should have given her a brilliant idea - she could capitalize on the success of "Fifty Shades of Grey" by combining it with her love of being tan to create "Fifty Shades of Orange." The book could be about a Jersey girl named Snoopy, which is what the Tanning Mom called Snooks while trying to insult her (it's actually a pretty good accidental dig since Snoopy is a shade of white that the "Jersey Shore" star would never allow herself to be). The too-pale college dropout character would get whisked away to a swanky Seaside Heights beach house by a tanning salon tycoon named Armani Orange with a really kinky side - he and Snooks would find ways to incorporate plastic cups, hair gel, pickles, Jell-O shots, meatballs, sausage, pickles, a duck phone, a rabbit costume, a hot tub, a tanning bed, and other items in the house into their smooshing, all while Armani molds his sex slave into the perfect garishly orange guidette. Instead of a photograph of a gray silk tie on the cover of the book, Snooks could feature a leopard print banana hammock. The pint-sized reality show star is already kind of going in a kinky direction with "Gorilla Beach" - her character buys furry pink handcuffs, a whip, and penis pops at a sex shop. So she might actually be able to pull off getting really racy with "Fifty Shades of Orange." "Fifty Shades of Grey" author E.L. James was inspired by "Twilight" to write her BDSM book, so who better to cast in "Fifty Shades of Orange" than Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart? It would be hilarious to see them trade their pale, porcelain skin for orange hides, and of course Rob would have to buff up like Taylor Lautner while Kristen would be forced to trade her grungy style for tight and tacky leopard print dresses, pushup bras, fake eyelashes, and sky-high heels. So what do you think - could Nicole Polizzi be the next big erotica writer? |
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